What a Fish Thinks About What Happened in the River Last Monday

I have been silent on this matter for a week now, but no more! I am outraged. 

In fact my silence has been partly due to my wondering how to address this civilly. Let me tell you what happened last Monday night at my river.

My river is normally very quiet at night, even though the river itself is always moving, splashing along and talking to itself. The creatures around the river generally pause their noise at night. But last Monday night as I swam up the river in expectation of the event you human’s had told me was planned; I heard indistinct sounds, unfamiliar to the river. And as I swam closer the noises became more human. Most other animals of the river had fallen silent and hidden themselves away against the hubbub of you humans. You seem to have that effect on animals, don’t you?

Eventually I was a fins flip away from the bridge. I hesitated near the platypus’s den, not wanting to get too much closer, but I couldn’t see the Devonian fish at all from where I was. I could see a light shining from the bridge and I wondered if that was where he was going to enter from. My fins were tingling with excitement.

Gradually it got darker and darker; I wondered at the time why you humans were waiting so long to get on with it. As the suns final light disappeared I heard a shout, ‘Look! There it is!’

Without thinking I darted forward eagerly and peered through the water to spot the Devonian Fish, but I couldn’t see him. Cautiously I retreated.

The darkness continued creeping on and I thought it soon be too dark to see any fish, but the darker it got the more excited everyone got.

Soon everyone got off the bridge and were gathered around a man talking very loudly. Being the cunning fish that I am I seized this as the perfect opportunity to meet this fish for myself and to talk to him.

With no hesitation I courageously propelled myself towards the bridge and swam right up to where everyone had been looking.

I couldn’t see any fish anywhere.

I swam under the bridge and back three times and still couldn’t find this fish, even though the light was still being shone in the river, bouncing on the rivers back.

Suddenly I hoped that you silly humans hadn’t taken the fish out of the water to show everyone, sort of stupid thing human would do!

I was thinking about this, still under the bridge when above me I heard feet tramping above me on the bridge. By this point I wasn’t even scared, just angry wondering what you might have done to the Devonian Fish!

I waited to see if the humans above me would throw him back into the river, but they didn’t. Then I heard a young human shout, ‘Wow, there’s two of them!’

Then everyone was talking above me:

-‘They’re bigger than I thought!’

-‘Wow, that’s incredible, look at them go!’

-‘It looks like they’re chasing each other!’

-‘Amazing, they look like they’re really swimming!’(That was the comment that should have clued me in)

-‘It’s wonderful what modern technology can do!’

Frustrated that I couldn’t find the Devonian Fish in the river I wiggled further out to see what on earth or in river they were looking at. They seemed to be all pointing at the funny light. So carefully I swam under the light, careful not to make a ripple. Then I looked up and saw them!

Two ginormous Devonian Fish were swimming right above me! This is what it looked like:

I was so excited and started to talk as fast as a human jet boat. For a moment it was magical. One of them turned and I thought he was about to speak to me. I waited breathlessly.

But they never did talk to me.

It didn’t take me long to realize that it was some kind of human trick, I am not a stupid fish you know. This was just a picture of a fish, swimming around and around in a continuous loop!

I flashed my fins then and swam angrily away back down the river to my home, muttering things against humans not fit to be repeated and only now have I been able to compose myself enough to write this in a polite manner.

I was going to tell you all exactly what I thought of you, but instead I will just let you imagine the disappointment of one fish, alone with his crushed dreams.